TRANSLATED BY SARMAD ALMOHJA
I could not decide on any sort of chips.
- Damn it. - What is?
- Something stung me. - Are you sure?
- Yes I am sure. - What?
- It is swelling. - Krass.
Your lip looks like a steak.
- Call the fire department. - I beg your pardon?
- Fire department or ambulance. - Do you mean "fire or emergency doctor"?
Yes of course. The fire department or the emergency doctor.
Well then.
Who do I call the fire department or the ambulance?
Well, that's how it is with me.
I can not even decide the simplest things.
For 40 years I have been unable to make any choice.
It's not an excuse, but Wankelmut is in the family.
I dont know. I'm still hesitant.
This is my mother in 1970, when she was pregnant with me.
- You do not want to know the gender? - That's not what it is about.
I do not know yet if I want to keep it.
But...
- You are already in the seventh month. - So it's too late?
Yes sweetheart. It is too late.
No wonder that every choice is hard for me.
I dont know.
- Come on, Juliette. For whom? - I dont know.
We warmed it up three times. For whom?
- I do not want to hurt anyone. - For the last time: for whom?
Uncle aunt.
UncleTante does not exist. Uncle or aunt?
Aunt. No, she is too fat.
- I dont know. - She comes after you.
Richard, it's not easy what you want her to do.
Mama taught me early,
that decisions can not be taken lightly.
You see, Juliette, if the woman had chosen a normal car with a roof,
her husband would not have died.
Do not tell your daughter such a nonsense.
I loved those moments with mom.
But unfortunately...
If she had driven on the D919 instead of on the A75 motorway,
she would still be with us now.
I guessed it.
On this day, July 7, 1992,
I made my first and last real decision.
From now on, I would let my dad decide everything for me.
Everything.
A VERLOBTER TOO MUCH
- How are you? - What do you think?
No, that's right, you have no opinion.
Because you have none, I almost died.
For seven years you have no opinion.
Whether vacation, going out or eating, you never have an opinion.
Yes, I have several and can not decide.
Yes, sure. I'm so sorry, Juliette.
It's like having a child.
Do you want children?
I do not want to offend you, but you have to decide soon.
I do not know.
Damn, that's no answer!
You like it when others decide for you,
So I do it for the last time: Stay here.
Alright? Did you fix it?
Nothing is dripping anymore. We save ourselves the plumber.
Great.
Come on. Give me five.
She almost fell. You know what?
I found an online dressage course.
- We are making progress. - Good.
There is no water at the sink.
Wait, Philippe.
- Did you just turn off the water? - Yes. Nothing is dripping anymore.
How should I wash my hair then?
Mom always has something to complain about.
Stop talking to the cat to tell me something.
- It's frustrating. - Come on, Carole. Give me five.
I should have given him the watch instead of the cat.
There's a call for you.
In English please.
I told you that.
- Many Americans come to us. - Oh yes?
In the street are four hotels, not to mention Airbnb.
- You have to adapt, Audrey. - Yes.
In English.
Someone wants to talk to you. It sounds urgent.
Very obviously.
You do not understand a word of your gibberish.
Hello. Yes.
Such a crap.
Yes I come. I'm right there.
There is a problem? It's something with Juliette.
- I come with. - no.
Dad can not come. These are women's problems.
See you later.
Would you have a plaster for me?
- The delivery of Sothys. - Hello.
- Where should I put it? - Right here.
- Hello. - Hello.
Wait, I'll give you something.
- Looks nice here. - Yes.
Shit, I do not have change.
I get everything for free and do not pick up anything anymore.
Good for you. What do you do for a living?
I write a blog about fashion and new trends.
If I like something, I write about it.
We could continue talking tonight.
- Yes, good. - At eight?
- At eight. - At eight fits perfectly.
Jo, I do not lay any suppliers flat otherwise.
The type of Chronopost does not count, there were holidays.
What?
The twelve.
There is a problem?
No, but the day before yesterday it was the same dish of the day:
Lamb stew.
I was here last week, too. There was lamb ragout.
- And last month also lamb ragout. - And?
No everything is fine.
But do you never change the dish of the day?
Once a year.
Nina? The bill for table twelve.
Hello, Sonia. Joëlle is in the kitchen.
Thank you.
- Say something, Juju. - What should she say?
He dumped her ice cold.
Thank you, Sonia, I know that.
No, he is right.
- What is he right with? - Cédric is right.
It's always the same. They all cut off.
- First Benoît, then Pierre. - He gave it to you right.
- And then Julien. - That too.
They all say the same thing.
I hear it for years and can not change anything.
Come on.
I could not even choose a suicide style.
Stop suicide with Clafoutis is not a good idea.
- You survive with a fat ass. - Does not matter.
No it is not.
You can make decisions.
You have done it before.
Why does Sonia say every day what to wear?
Not every day. I plan that monthly.
By the way, this shirt is good for you.
Fringes fit your body.
- You choose my hairstyle for 15 years. - Thats my job.
- That's how we met. - I'm a rivet.
Alright, you know something?
You can stay with us for a while.
Juliette, do not let your toilet rolls roll everywhere.
- The handkerchiefs are all. - Take kitchen roll.
No, it irritates the skin.
I swear, two months.
She has been whining nonstop for two months.
I like her, but I can not anymore.
It's like having a child.
And you already have Philippe.
Come on, Carole. Give me five.
If you want, she can come to me.
Yes, please. Take it off me.
Better yet, find her a guy.
Come on, sweetheart.
Sit down with us.
N / A?
You have to get back in the saddle now.
- I am not ready yet. - But.
- No I'm not. - Yes, you are ready.
Believe me, you are ready.
Jojo, Carole almost hit.
I'm glad for you, darling.
But do not sit down, we're just talking.
About what?
Forget Cédric. It's been two months now.
- Let it be good. - Philippe.
- That's a women's talk. - I do not mind.
You really have to forget him. For 2,000 years we women are so stupid.
When a relationship ends,
we take our time, mourn and do nothing new.
- Yes of course. - But men do not take a break.
Once it's over, they shit on us.
They fuck around immediately. Follow them.
- Clear. - Who wants me?
I'm 40, old and used up.
You are not used up. What should Jo say?
- Bite me. - I just want to help.
But that does not help me.
Darling, do you find me consumed?
- I'll find you the way you are. - That's your answer?
I'm looking for a guy That's better than Aladdin's lamp.
I present Tinder, the best invention since the pill.
It's like in the store. You look at the photos.
If you like one, you are going to the right.
There is a match if you like the other user as well.
How to get in touch with a woman or with another.
At least I suppose that. I heard something like that.
How do you know all that?
Mom asks me again.
She should know that I inform and read.
He looks good.
Rather not.
- But. - Show me.
He has sweet dimples.
Philippe, leave us alone now.
It's good.
Come on, Carole. Mom drives us away.
- Is not that Jean-Pierre Pernaut? - no.
- Yes, that's Pernaut. - Philippe!
- There are really many types. - Yes, a lot.
- That's awful. - It's brilliant.
He makes no spelling mistakes. It's good.
No, I do not feel like it.
I do not need that.
Of course, because you are unable to decide for yourself.
Your next date.
Good evening.
- Good evening. - I am here.
I almost did not recognize you. Not without the magazine.
Otherwise I would never have recognized you.
- I'm relieved anyway, because... - Good day.
I take the same as him.
I have not chosen yet.
- We are still thinking. - Good.
- Are you an Englishman? - No, I'm from Scotland.
That's the same thing.
You must never say that to a Scotsman.
I wanted to say that I'm relieved
because I use Tinder for the first time.
A friend has chosen for me,
but you can see how misleading the photos are.
- Can I see the photo? - Yes, sure.
In real you look much better.
It's funny to take a worse photo.
It's not easy to pick photos.
Yes, it is true that it is not exactly glamorous.
I'm sorry, I did not want that,
but I was forced, because...
- bergamot. - No, Juliette.
No, your perfume. Bergamot, Magnolia...
A citrus note and red fruits.
Is that "Lady Cow"?
Yes, from my mother. Are you a perfumer?
That would be a dream. But I am a banker.
- That's something completely different. - Absolutely.
If it interests you, my name is Paul. Paul Mac Callaghan.
- Juliette Blandin. - Juliette.
That does not sound that great.
Excuse me,
I have a technical question.
I thought Frenchmen turn their tongues when they're birds.
- I beg your pardon? - I thought you were kissing with tongue.
- You mean kisses, not birds. - Yes.
Yes, it's true, we turn our tongues
but there are two schools.
I did not do it in stress,
but otherwise I'm pretty good at it.
And?
I have not chosen yet.
Yes twice.
I live just like my dad at 40.
He lived just like his father at 40, and like his father.
How long does it go?
Since prehistoric times.
My great-great-great-grandfather knew
that I'm called Paul, working in a London bank,
Wear suits and join the same club.
What would you have done today instead of the appointment?
I would have gone to my hotel room
and have a file for the sudden loss of value of the risk premiums
read in the context of weak liquidity.
I'm sorry to ruin your evening.
Yes, instead I have to walk through the most beautiful city in the world.
- With a young woman... - a young woman?
Oh, come on.
How old are you? 35?
You really value me at 35?
I admit, I am a gentleman.
I estimate you to be 40, but as a compliment I take five years off.
A gentleman.
But it is not gentlemanlike to tell me that.
Or?
The "Hôtel Providence".
Here we are.
- I have... - Pardon.
- You first. - No you.
I just wanted to tell you
that it was an unexpectedly beautiful evening.
Yes for me too.
I'll go...
I have to get up early tomorrow so...
Yes, I have to go out very early.
I take a taxi.
I'm still in Paris tomorrow, we could...
Great, I have no plans tomorrow.
- Okay. - Good.
- Do we kiss each other? - Yes, we kiss.
Until tomorrow.
- And? - And what?
Leave the games.
What are you grinning so stupidly?
- I do not smile. - But.
- no. - Yes, you are grinning. Come on, tell me.
- I want to hear all the details. - It was awesome.
- Did you fuck? - No but...
Why was it awesome if you did not fuck?
- Do not say that you have fallen in love. - no.
You do not fall in love with Tinder.
That is sure in the terms and conditions.
- I'll go then. - Yes bye.
Wait a moment.
- What's your name again? - Gilles.
- That's right, that was a Gilles. - Like my grandfather...
Nobody wants to know that. Say, Gilles:
- Are you in love? - In whom?
Well, in me, of course.
Yes, tell the truth.
- same tonight? - Just say it.
- Are you in love? - no.
- You do not fall in love with Tinder. - no.
She fell in love with Tinder.
- What? - Yes.
No but...
- no. - Bad, right?
Tinder is only for fucking.
- I agree. - That's the way it is. See you.
- Bye. - Goodbye.
We have to order 24 boxes of badoit.
- And 24 boxes of Vittel. - Are you in such a good mood?
Yes. No. We just have to think about it.
Naturally. Oh no.
Oh no. I completely forgot that.
Are you going to the celebration for people from the Auvergne in Paris?
I have been doing this for three years. Why do not you want?
- Do not feel like. - You're right.
Having fun, dancing and playing guitar with friends is corrosive.
I'm not here in the evening.
Oh, that's why you're in such a good mood.
There is Spisi Mango, I like that.
It's called "Spicy Mango".
Tequila Old Fashionett is good too.
It's called "Old Fashioned".
Or whiskey sur.
"Whiskey sour."
- Do you repeat every word? - I can not help myself.
Although it sounds cute.
Or Blue Lagoon with Wassabi.
It is not called "Wassabi" but "Wasabi".
That is what I said.
Besides, that's Japanese.
How about a classic mojito?
Yes this is good. A mojito.
Raspberry, strawberry or virgin?
That was intent.
I have an idea. I know what we do.
Drowning is dangerous. Number three.
By the way, where we are at three:
I do the accounting for my dad,
because numbers calm me down.
- Two and two are?
Four.
No, four.
You do not have to ask yourself questions.
We did not push. Cheers.
Good health.
Gandalf, "Lord of the Rings". I know him.
No, that means "for the good".
Really.
I noticed something there.
If I'm drunk or tipsy,
I know exactly what I want.
Alcohol detoxifies me.
But you can not drink 24 hours a day.
My uncle can do that well.
- Really? - Yes.
How is your room like this?
It is just a hotel room.
That says nothing.
- Is there electricity and running water? - Yes.
- Are there any curtains? - Yes there is.
For real? I love curtains. Curtains are my passion.
I have to look at it.
Do not think that I'm just looking for an excuse
to be alone with you in the hotel room.
Absolutely not.
Is awesome, there is also a bed.
Yes, I took a room with a bed.
- That's pretty handy. - Very practical even.
Juliette, what are you doing?
Juliette, I'm not sure
if that is a good idea.
You can not think too much.
- Got it. - You have to follow his instincts.
That's what Sonia says. I introduce her to you, she is great.
Juliette, I have something to tell you.
Good, I'm listening.
- I do not know where to start. - But I.
God dammit.
When will you come back to Paris?
Juliette, I am bound.
To your place of work?
- What? - Are you bound to your place of work?
No it is...
I am...
I am bound to a woman.
I will marry her.
You marry?
Her name is Emily.
I do not give a shit about her name. Why did not you say anything?
- Because... - That you tell me after the sex?
We only met by chance.
I wanted to tell you so.
I have tried it several times, I swear.
And I told myself
that I could stop it in time.
But you left me no choice.
I beg your pardon? I did not give you a choice?
- I'm only a man too. - Yes, sure.
You have no idea what it's like to see you naked.
You are a great woman. I'm really sorry.
Oh man.
Welcome to the Auvergne.
Surely you have Volvic?
I recommend Coeur de Volcan, this is gentian schnapps with chestnut liqueur.
Wow, that pops. Are there only crazy people in the Auvergne?
55 percent.
Beware, that...
Pretty hot here, right?
The wedding is in two months. They have been planning it for four years.
It has been stuck for 40 years.
- Really? - Yes, what should you do there?
- Shall we go? - No, back in the saddle.
- Yes, in the saddle! - in the saddle!
The next, who takes a salmon snack, I lay flat.
- That's a great game. - It's totally stupid.
Tristus. Lachus.
You are Tristus, and you are Lachus.
- Watch out. - Who needs to flatten Gollum?
We should introduce him to Tristus.
Good evening.
He winked at us.
And good evening said.
Oh, shit. If you do not want it, I'll take it.
Take it. Come on. And eat.
- Krass, he does it. - Do you want?
No.
- Is this organic salmon? - She is not hungry.
She does not want it. Eat it up.
Yes!
Way is the appetizer. He is the chosen one.
I lay it flat.
Watch out, I'm doing that extremely elegant.
Take an example.
I love champagne.
- Did he notice me? - You are hard to miss.
He looks over.
I go there. Get lost.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
Should I get you pancakes?
For the dip in your hair.
Oh, a snail.
I can only pull it out of the shell with my tongue.
- Really? - Yes, only two can do that worldwide.
I'll show you.
- Funny, it does not work. - I've already eaten it.
- What is your name? - Etienne.
- From the Auvergne? Restaurateur? - I'm a cooking teacher.
- I do not care. Are you married? - no.
- Do you marry? - Maybe.
- I mean in the next few months. - no.
- So you are single? - Yes.
- Are not you gay? - What?
- No I am not gay. - Not?
- Are you a lesbian? - no.
We have a lot in common!
I do not know whose glass... You eat and drink leftovers.
- You are a Labrador. - no.
- And you do not lose time. - Really? That pleases me.
- I thought I would not get it. - But.
Really? I'm really happy about that.
- I thought, I seem like a... - Slut?
- You think I'm a hussy? - Of course not.
- I'm not a hussy? - no.
- You do not take me for a hussy? - no.
I'm the biggest bitch here.
- I believe you. - You can not find a bigger one.
Should I prove it to you?
Do you have a car? An apartment? Then come.
Not so fast. Why are you limping?
- Oh crap, my shoe. - I'm going to look for him.
- no. - Yes, I'll be right there.
You do not need shoes for what we are doing.
The boat is coming soon.
I always get sick on boats.
I prefer to walk.
I went to all Auvergne restaurants to find the one that suits this shoe.
They are my last hope.
That's my lost shoe.
- How did you find him? - Do not you remember?
The feast of the Auvergne in Paris?
Oh, you are the laughing thing.
The salmon snack?
Forget it. Let's leave that.
- Many Thanks. - You are welcome.
Will I get something to eat?
Actually, the kitchen is already closed.
Alright.
I can not go away,
because my scooter turns into a pumpkin at twelve.
- Sure, of course. - I'm sorry, I like silly jokes.
I'm an expert on stupid jokes.
Wonderful. We meet once a month and need people like you.
It would please me.
- So... - Do not you want to sit at a table?
No, I sit down at the bar.
All alone.
Single.
Oh no, too bad.
- Are there no snails? - no.
- Did I show the snail trick? - Yes.
- How embarrassing. - No, it was incredible.
You are gifted with the tongue. And tongue skill is important.
You know what?
I take asparagus with hollandaise sauce on pata negra rolls.
- That sounds good. - Good.
- I'll ask if... - Thank you.
Do you want a cognac?
- It is only 15 o'clock. - Did I ask for the time?
Father? Can you please make asparagus?
Damn, the kitchen is closed.
Please be so nice.
I'm so tired of the guests.
I swear, I'll sell the restaurant soon.
Which asshole wants asparagus at 15 o'clock?
- A nuisance, because I know myself. - I believe you about that.
Thank you.
Kevin, asparagus.
Do you like the flavour?
- It's bland. - What?
That was a joke. The asparagus is great. I'm only here for it.
But in the map is a mistake.
This is a mousseline sauce, not a hollandaise.
- There is a problem? - Good day.
This is a mousseine sauce, a mayonnaise enhanced with white wine.
A hollandaise is a foam cream with clarified butter.
Thanks, I know the difference.
I said yes, I recognize that.
Everything is fine, it's just a mousseline, not a hollandaise.
This is a mistake of the printing company.
Is there anything else?
No.
In the no, I hear a yes.
Get out of it.
Well, your Pata Negra is not a Pata Negra.
My Pata Negra is not a Pata Negra?
Do you hear that, Juliette?
My Pata Negra is not a Pata Negra.
You know, that's not bad.
I've heard a lot of nonsense in this room.
He is even a kind of temple for that. But that...
- My Pata Negra is not a Pata Negra? - no.
This is Serrano.
Because with the Serrano the hocke is shorter.
But he is good for a serrano.
Pata Negra is nuttier in taste.
All right, but the bills say Pata Negra.
- And he is so expensive too. - How do you know that?
I was with a pig. It was great, except for the nights.
Did you get that?
Careful, sharp. No, I am MOF.
You are MOF?
- Which year? - 1995. At Robuchon.
1979 at Troisgros.
- Where are they? - The lean one on the left.
- Oh, okay. - Hey, we have to celebrate.
A good opportunity to drink.
In front of you are two of the best artisans in France.
That even screams for the magnum bottle.
That pleases me.
- Here. - Thank you.
But like it.
Côte-Rôtie "La Turque", 2006.
It's not just drinking, it's a homage to work.
You see, we do not drink, we pay homage.
On the cooking.
And especially on the snails.
I do not understand that.
First, crumble up the crust.
But you should not crunch too much before eating.
This fragrance, this aroma.
Simply heavenly.
- I'm waiting outside. - No, come on.
Come closer. What are you smelling?
It smells like fish.
Just try.
And?
It is bland.
No, it's delicious. I like to take more.
I thought so.
- Are these all students? - Yes.
It is a training restaurant.
They apply what they have learned in practice.
They are all afraid of you.
Yes, I do not understand that. I rarely beat them.
Young man.
Take the order.
Madame, have you chosen?
This all sounds very good.
- You first. - The offal trilogy.
- I'll take that too. - You like offal?
Good Appetite.
This looks like Caprese.
It's something else.
What is it does not taste? Wait, I know why.
It is certainly too cold.
No, it is very good.
Brain is best eaten at body temperature,
straight from the slaughterhouse.
Once I ate squirrel liver with mates while hunting.
The hammer. It tastes strict,
but if you like skin gout,
is it an enormous taste experience.
I meet a woman like you for the first time.
If you like offal, we get along well.
I also like strawberries.
You can go, I do that.
What are you doing after? Are you meeting Etienne?
That does not concern you. Until tomorrow.
I just want to know if it's worth changing the sauce.
I do not want to influence you,
but he is a good guy.
- Do you know how many times I hear this sentence? - Which?
"I do not want to influence you."
"But take German as a second foreign language."
- "But Olivier is a dork." - That was true.
"But you should work in the restaurant."
Then I probably influenced you often.
If you meet him, do not tell him about my problem with decisions.
Excuse me, but he will soon notice the problem himself.
He still considers it open-minded.
- open-mindedness? - Yes.
Love is blind.
- Then I'll go. - Good evening.
Etienne, that was not necessary.
- How are you? - Good.
I leave you alone, I have...
Well, I still have work to do.
- Good night dad. - Well then.
I do not say "nice evening yet".
- Peck. - Good night.
Come over.
- They are beautiful. - I stole them in the wholesale market.
I love stolen flowers.
Give me the vase.
That's great.
Can you play? My father played earlier.
That does not sound bad here.
Come along.
I'll fuck you right now.
It has to go fast now.
The play is almost over and I only know one thing.
- What is? - Nothing, everything's okay.
You look happy.
As a father I can be happy if my daughter is happy.
Sonia, thanks for calling back.
?tienne wants to go to the theater with me this weekend.
Really? Your cook pulls all the stops.
- How long already? - The day after tomorrow four weeks.
You quickly forgot the Englishman.
- No, he was a Scot. - Oh yes.
What should I wear?
What are you looking at?
- No idea, he chose it. - Yes.
Put on this black blazer by Vanessa Bruno.
It fits the black vintage top.
Wait, I'll call you back.
- What do you want? - Talk to you.
I do not want to hear anything. You disturb me at work.
I know and I'm sorry, but...
What I want to say is really important.
I do not want to listen to you.
Give me five minutes.
You're welcome.
- I'm only asking you for five minutes. - Okay. Five minutes.
Come along.
Hello, Juju.
- Good day. - We get in.
He looks good. Some are just lucky.
Are you here to introduce me to your wife?
They go to the house.
Thanks, Claudine.
- You are a good match. - Thank you, Claudine.
No... So?
- Juliette, we do not know each other well... - no.
No, we do not know each other at all.
We had sex and you left for your fiancee.
I do not know why I'm talking to you.
- I ended it. - I do not understand you.
I think about you for weeks.
I only think of you. I lie awake at night.
I told myself, if I let a woman like you go,
is that the proof that I'm really an idiot.
So I ended that with Emily.
It is over. I left her.
You left her? What about the wedding?
There is no wedding anymore.
- You should not have done that. - Juliette.
I immediately fell in love with you.
Before that I tried for years to love her.
That's the way it is. I just wanted you to know that.
But I commit you to nothing. Do what you want.
May I help you.
She was totally panicked. I do not know what was going on there.
- Is there a problem with Juliette? - Where is my bathing suit?
She has luck. I do not experience anything.
What.
- And what about you? - Look here.
Come on, Carole. Give me five.
Yes, that's spectacular.
Here.
Since you reward her too, if she scrapes you...
I actually meant, how it looks professionally with you.
- On standby. - Are you looking for a job?
"Sabbatical" means that you do not work.
A sabbatical does not take three years.
Well, as long as the salon is running well...
It is especially Jojo's salon.
Yes and no. He belongs to her and she works there.
You are the male version of the spoiled housewife.
No, I support feminism.
I do not burden my wife with my professional success.
I'm not a macho who does nothing at home because he makes money.
What exactly are you doing in the household?
She wants to provoke me.
She is always up for a fight like Mama.
Come on, let's go.
- Well then. - What do you do?
- I come with. - To the Aquabike?
- Where is my swimming trunks? - You are not coming.
- Aquabike is something for women. - Who says that?
Men swim and ride a bike. Why not Aquabike?
Good question. Ask Carole.
Have fun, darling.
We do less and less together.
- Mum is hiding something from us? - She certainly answers.
Is your husband gay?
He loves talking to women, has a cat,
I want to go to the Aquabike and like old women.
You're stupid.
- You're in the shit. - Really deep.
Why? It has style.
Do not worry and keep both.
- That's what only sluts do. - Right sluts.
A little more rhythm, ladies!
- Do you want our opinion? - Yes.
?tienne.
He is funny, has a real job and is solid.
Yes, you can feel his power, his power.
- He likes to eat, that's good. - Right.
A little faster!
Yes, but Paul is so romantic.
He canceled his wedding for me.
Then you choose Paul.
That means I renounce ?tienne.
- That's the principle of decisions. - Yes.
Which of the two is better in bed?
I do not know. Etienne is...
- Brutal. - Yes.
And Paul is completely...
- He is certainly very tender. - Yes.
I have it. You have to test both.
When shopping. Men hate shopping.
No, Philippe likes to go shopping.
I separate myself from both.
This is totally stupid.
I can not vote and I can not keep both.
So I leave both.
Yes, that's how I do it.
First I call ?tienne.
After that, I'll tell Paul.
Or...
I visit Paul in Scotland and call ?tienne.
No, first I call Paul, then I say it ?tienne.
Do not answer, do not answer...
- Did I scare you? - Are you finishing work?
- Yes. - I wanted to call too.
- My decision is. - I'm coming to Paris.
- Oh, right? - With the Eurostar late on Friday evening.
What do you do?
I am editing a boring file.
Listen to me well.
Will you marry me?
What?
This is a marriage proposal?
A marriage proposal?
But I would have to do that.
- Seems like that, yes. - You make me an application?
Yes, so... why not?
- I wanted to marry before I turn 45. - Seriously?
- And? - Juliette?
- What? - Do you want to be my wife?
Will you be my wife?
Yes I do.
We are going to marry.
We are going to marry!
I have never received a request, and you two in one day.
- What can I do? - Do not start with it.
Not "what can I do?". "What am I doing?"
Feet up. You have to act.
You're 40 and not a kid anymore.
- That will be clear. - And when?
Do you want to decide it on the registry office?
May one be a maid of honor for the same bride at two weddings?
You do not waver between a blouse and a skirt,
but two men whom you will hurt.
- Talk to them and make it clear. - Yes of course.
I rarely agree with Jo, but you have to tell them.
Yes of course.
Thanks, Chris.
Here we go.
The weather is much like in Brittany.
- Yes, today we have good luck. - Aha.
And that's your home?
Yes, that's my home. And that of my parents.
I did not know that we would meet her. I wanted to talk to you.
If I introduce you to the wedding,
my mother would not be pleased.
I thought we could talk. I am entertaining.
Hello.
Oh, there you are, Mum.
Paul, what's that?
No tie and a beard? What do you think you are where you are?
May I introduce you to Juliette?
Good day.
Mademoiselle,
since I'm insufficiently powerful in French,
I would prefer to continue this conversation in my mother tongue.
Yes of course.
Here Paul and Emily are six years old
and dressed as a bride and groom for Halloween.
God sometimes sends us such messages.
Here they are at the graduation party.
As always side by side.
Do you speak Russian?
- Russian is important, right? - Yes, my love.
Emily is fluent in seven languages.
- How many do you speak? - Only one and...
Can you bake scones?
- Paul loves scones, right? - Yes, my love.
Let it be good, mother.
And cats? Do you like cats?
Yes, I love cats. The husband of my best friend...
Paul hates cats.
Please, that's enough, mother.
I just want to understand why you prefer her to Emily.
Damn it, shut up.
- So please, Paul! - I hate scones.
They do not taste good and make you fat.
I do not think so, but you.
Not I love Emily, but you.
I just never was brave enough to say it
because of all those damn family constraints,
who have messed up our lives for 400 years.
Right, Dad?
Yes my love.
I tell you what I really love.
I love this woman.
You might like her differently, but I love her the way she is.
And I will marry her.
I love this woman.
And I love cats.
Come along. You'll see,
the area is magical.
So then goodbye.
Do you smell the vanilla flavor?
I do not smell anything anymore.
It also smells like moist tobacco.
And after peat
and gingerbread.
You have a little smell stick.
No, these are not smells.
This is called "fragrance",
the most beautiful word of the French language.
The word for dragonfly is beautiful, too.
"Libellule", I love that.
- Would you like to become a nose? - What?
A nose.
Oh, you mean perfumer.
In my family you like rugby, whiskey and banks.
Since I could hardly say that I want to be a perfumer.
We already wear skirts for family celebrations.
As a teenager, I dreamed of a motorcycle world trip.
It's not too late for that.
Well, my dad and I are a bit traumatized.
- My mother had an accident. - Oh God. With the motorcycle?
No, not really.
A motorcycle drove her head-on into the car.
Oh damn. I'm sorry.
It would be nice if she was here to help me.
May I ask you something?
Yes, sure.
Is it too late for you and Emily?
Why do you ask this?
Maybe I am not the right person for you.
You are not the right person for me.
That's why I love you.
Juju! Here we are!
- Here is no parking. - It is practical.
- That costs 35 euros. - Anyway, that's not my car.
Good day. Whose is this?
A Tinder guy. Car dealer or something.
- How was it in Scotland? - It was a nightmare.
- So bad? - It was a dream.
- dream or nightmare? - A dream, so a nightmare.
Now I have to leave Etienne.
Really?
Before that we have to show you something else.
What?
Juliette!
My sweetheart.
- Are you all right? - Yes.
While you were in London, we worked hard.
- Right, Etienne? - No question.
But what are you doing here? Why are you...
- Tell her. - No, age comes first.
- I beg your pardon? Come on. - Tell her, Richard.
Okay, then I present you
the new chef in the "Relais de l'Aubrac".
Madame.
Well so what.
- What will become of your courses? - Your father has wooed me.
I want to know if I'm as good in practice as in theory.
My children.
- Come on. - It's stupid, but I'm so happy.
- You're drunk. - No not at all.
I'm just so happy.
Juliette, sweetheart.
I do not want to praise your ?tienne, but he is great.
Do you see? He's right.
It will change a lot.
"Le Relais de l'Aubrac" is history.
It's history, but it still remains the "Relais de l'Aubrac".
Earlier I came up with a good sentence.
- He is excellent. - Yes.
"Continuity despite change."
- Goose bumps. - Do not rip me off.
- No never. - Yes, you're fucking me.
I do not want to influence you, but I am for a new kitchen.
- With a grill plate. - Not bad.
- I already thought about that. - Naturally.
You get the key, but I'm still there.
The old man is not scrapped.
He is not scrapped.
Do you know what, kids?
No seriously,
we three will be a great team.
How nice. What luck.
- Salers cattle. - Yes.
- These... - Wait.
The pink is pretty too.
There is nothing on it. I like the blue too.
We take the first one you touch. No.
- These? - No, that's terrible. This one.
We take the.
That makes something.
Oh no, I'm dead!
July is a beautiful month in Scotland.
- Good. - And which day?
I picked out a date for the wedding.
- 12. - The 12th of July would be perfect.
Then it will be the 12th of July.
There is no way back.
Yes.
There is no way back.
Thanks, Claudine.
I love your outfit, Claudine.
Wait.
I know it. Prada, autumn-winter 2015.
Trois Suisses, 1976.
- Would you like a coffee or water? - No thanks.
How do you find it?
Damn, what did I do there?
- And? - I do not know...
I wonder if...
The groom is not allowed to see the dress.
No, I said 1000 times
That's silly superstition. Come on, show yourself.
- Darling, I do not know... - You can not decide.
Between the one with the bustier and the one with the back cut.
Come out, I'll tell you.
If he does not like it, everything stops.
Fuck me.
Perfectly.
Garance, bring the gentleman into the locker room?
Do you try the other?
Everything hangs in the cabin.
- Is everything OK? - Perfect.
The cufflinks...
Yes, they will come later. First the jacket.
A second mirror would be good for you to see from behind.
- That would be good with the fitting. - Yes.
- It's a hard choice. - Yes.
For my wedding, I waver between three-piece, tuxedo and...
- Frock coat. - I agree.
Good, frock coat.
IM not sure. I just do not know.
It will not work like that.
Do you want a female opinion? I ask my wife.
- Oh no. - That's nice, thank you.
Darling, are you coming for a minute?
We need your opinion.
No, I can not.
- Is everything okay? - Yes.
She probably has a frog in her throat.
Yes, that's what you hear.
- I have to try on the pants. - Yes, she is hanging here.
I have to look at it in the daylight.
But what are you doing?
- Say, is that true with Juliette? - What?
Does she really marry ?tienne, the cook?
Yes, among other things.
Juliette?
Did I miss one of your weddings?
- I left both. - Seriously?
They were both there and did not know, but me.
One was in the cabin, the other beside it.
I do not understand a word.
I have to tell them, but I love them.
- Chill out. - I love you both.
- I can not decide. - There's Etienne.
The damn dress makes me crazy.
Crap.
Fast!
- Come on, here's the dress. - You have to move.
I like to go crazy.
I can not do more. You have to push.
I have to tell them. First ?tienne, then Paul.
- No, just no spontaneous decision. - You keep doing that.
- I'm going to tell him. - Do not say anything.
- Hello, girls. - Hello.
- Alright? - Yes. Did you forget to get dressed?
- We want to tan for the wedding. - Oh.
I think it's great, but you can not work like that.
The new workwear for the team is here.
And I found a wedding suit.
You'll be amazed.
In three weeks we are already married.
Etienne...
What, you're only now?
- Well, what can you do? - Impossible.
You say nothing.
What is this story?
- Excuse me... - Wait a minute.
- So? - Instead of turbot, there was only plaice.
What did I choose as a daily special?
- Turbot on Beurre blanc. - Exactly, and what not?
- Plaice at Beurre blanc. - So you get it.
- I thought they were both flatfish. - You do not think.
If I say turbot, there's turbot, okay?
Move your ass and get turbot.
Juliette? Come on, I have to show you something.
- I brought your things. - Thank you.
I was in such a hurry
I was a bit...
After you ran out of the store, I wanted to call you.
The battery is all.
Did you see the man who was there?
He was tall and tried on suits.
- a frock coat. - I have not paid attention to that.
May I use your telephone?
Here, take mine.
He lent me his cell phone.
He was really nice for a Frenchman.
I saw a picture on my mobile.
From him and his girlfriend.
His fiancé even.
- She looked very much like you. - Many look like me.
I thought too, it can not be.
But when I took a closer look,
did she seem so...
in love.
I know that look.
Because you look at me the same way.
- I want to meet your friend. - Paul.
Paul, wait!
- Wait. - Excuse me.
Wait, I ask you.
Hello again. How are you?
What are you doing here?
In the store I forgot to say it.
I am Paul Mac Callaghan.
How nice, but we work here. Juliette, please take him out.
I did not know you existed.
- Did you know it? - Who is this?
No idea. Paul Mac is slowly getting on my bag.
I want to introduce my fiancee. Her name is Juliette.
- You know each other? - We'll get married in three weeks.
Impossible. I'll marry her in three weeks.
Juliette, what the hell is going on here?
What's going on here?
Juliette, what's going on here?
You are coming late.
What are we going to eat tonight?
- Did Juliette go out? - She's in the bathroom.
- Still? - Yes, she takes nonstop baths.
Juliette, open it. It's me.
Please open up.
I do not want to see anyone.
Come on, Juliette, open it now.
I do not like that. It stresses Carole.
I do not want to see anyone.
It's nice weather, go out.
Or start working again.
My father does not want to see me. Everyone condemns me.
- I wonder why? - You see, you do it too.
You open now immediately.
Otherwise, I ask Philippe to break the door.
As you wish. Open the door, honey.
Yes but...
I have the cat in my arms.
- Hello, Sonia. - Hello, Philippe.
I've had enough. You get on my nerves.
- You do not move from the spot. - Why?
- Sit down. - What are you doing?
What's going on here?
- Smooth or curly? - What are you doing?
- Smooth or curly? - That's not the moment...
Keep your mouth shut.
Not only do you have a hard time making decisions.
Everyone has problems with that.
Take Sonia. Do you think that it is easy for her?
Does she like to fuck indiscriminately?
Do you think it makes you happy? No.
Yes, decisions are difficult.
I will not always live like this.
I also hesitated with Philippe.
He is not George Clooney
and unemployed for three years.
- He only thinks of the hand of his cat. - paw.
Anyway, I regret my choice at least once a week.
But I met her and stick with it.
When I was ill, she paid off.
He hid in the hospital for two months,
to stay with me at night,
so I'm not alone.
And when I told him that I can not have children,
he stayed without hesitation.
You know, I feel like I'm leading my life.
Because if you let others decide for you,
something like that happens.
Jojo, that failed completely.
What's this? You can not leave it like that.
- That's awful! - How do you want it?
- Make a decision. - You know that I can not do that.
That's not true. You make decisions. By the way...
If I may interfere in this women's talk:
Every psychoanalyst would say
that have chronically undecided childlike life designs,
that make them reluctant to hesitate.
She decided as a child never to decide.
This premature oath determines her adult life,
although she displaces him into the unconscious.
More details are in the psychology magazine,
which lies on the toilet under the "Grazia".
Krass, he is right.
You have always let your father decide for you.
George Clooney would not have come to that.
Hello, darling, this is dad.
I would like it if we go out to eat together,
to talk about everything again.
It's really stupid
when we both sulk.
Besides, you miss me.
I'm waiting for you at 20:30 in "Lasserre".
Good evening.
A table was reserved for Richard Blandin.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
If you would follow me...
I am a bit...
- I'm surprised because... - I know.
Your father told me about your problem.
- Oh yes? - You should have told me about it.
And from the competitor. I would have done anything to win.
- I wanted... - Listen to my suggestion.
Since someone has to decide for you, I do it.
I'll explain the plan to you.
In two years I have a star for the bistronomy in the "relay".
We buy a house at Barfleur, you will love the area.
I'm looking for clams with the kids.
We call them Margaux and Lucas.
- Sorry, but... - Wait, that was not all.
Then we open "Le petit Relais" in the lousy café around the corner.
- The old woman is not clear. - Do you mean Claudine?
May be. We get it for a ridiculous price.
- Did not I think of everything? - Apparently.
Salt marsh lamb and for her the quail.
- I do not like quails. May I... - No, trust me.
There are chestnut purée and foie gras.
- Yes, thank you, that's nice. - Very well.
Do you like it here?
- Well... - Here is the wedding.
- The wedding? - Our wedding.
- Did not you cancel it? - no. Your father was in favor too.
- So I have no choice? - That's good.
I did my training here. You'll love it.
I have to show you something. It is amazing. Look to the ceiling.
Look at.
Do you even know if Paul is here?
According to the London office, he quit and moved to his parents.
- Watch out! - What do they all have here?
- Why is he heading straight for me? - Because you drive right.
That reminds me: I have never fucked a Scotsman.
- Hello ladies. - Nice boys.
We are not here as sex tourists.
- That's Scotland, not Thailand. - Do they carry something underneath?
That nothing is hanging out is a bad sign.
- Hello. - Hello.
- Are you wedding guests? - Wedding?
Yes, Emily's wedding.
- Where is she? - In the church, five miles from here.
What's happening? Is he dead?
You can not speak English at all.
When it is said so badly, I only understand less.
He marries Emily. Go to the car.
Why a go-cart? In the car we are faster.
Stop the wedding!
Do you know where the wedding is taking place?
You are not from Scotland.
They come from the islands.
The redhead is funny. I like him.
Ask the choirboy.
He is not a choirboy.
He is a choir dwarf.
Excuse me, I'm looking for the wedding party.
A drink?
Why not?
It takes place at Longwood Castle.
- Oh, empty. - After two miles right.
- Thank you. - Gladly.
Scotch.
Hurry, bring one more.
See you.
Are you with Tinder?
- Oh crap. - Wait, I have to drink something.
Well, I'm looking for the groom.
He wears a kilt, brown hair and blue eyes.
They do not even understand their own language.
- These crazy frog eaters. - Yes, my love.
- Excuse me. - Let's split up.
Hello. My name is Glen.
I'm sorry.
Damn it.
- Would you like to dance? - Of course.
I go dancing.
- Would you like to dance? - With pleasure.
Nobody can smile me.
I beg your pardon. Shall we dance?
This works without clamps. Come over.
Emily?
- Yes? - Look there.
The wedding was a big mistake.
- I beg your pardon? - They speak French? Cool.
It sounds weird, but I have to explain something to you.
?tienne is like my father and my ex-boyfriend.
I feel safe when men decide for me.
But Paul lets me be the way I am, even if I'm wrong.
He does not want me to change.
I did not know that before.
With him I have the feeling that I can choose.
I should have married your husband.
- That's not Paul at all. - Paul?
This is Mark, my husband for three hours.
But should not you marry Paul?
Yes, I should. You have to be the Frenchwoman.
- Yes. - So I have to thank you.
Thanks to you, Paul left me so that I could meet Mark.
That's great!
And among us: Mark is a much better game.
Paul worked in a bank. Mark owns a bank.
It could not be better.
And where is Paul?
Nobody knows. He was gone all of a sudden.
Not even his parents know it.
For real? Such a crap.
Carole, hit me.
You're beautiful. Drinking.
- Drink. - Okay.
Just to make this clear:
I am married.
Excuse me.
One moment.
- Hi sweetheart. - I did it.
- What? - She hit.
- Are you crying? - Come back soon, you have to see that.
Yes, darling.
I am very proud of you.
- Peck. - I love you.
I have to go to my friends.
We looked for you everywhere.
He just disappeared.
- He has to be somewhere. - That's for sure.
It's good that you came here.
You made it this far.
- 2,000 kilometers free. - It was not for nothing.
I love presents!
How ugly is that?
What are you doing here? These are the wedding gifts.
What I do not like, I pack again.
They burned Jeanne d'Arc.
- These are Scots, not English. - It's the same thing.
A nightmare.
- Make room. - Is this a tablecloth?
- Ugly. - Put it back properly.
Wedding gifts are always lousy.
- What's your Paul's name? - Paul Mac Callaghan.
That's from him.
"Dear Emily, I'm sorry.
I wish you a happy life. "
Are you starting now, too?
- Cho ice. - Choice.
Oh, right.
We were booked again.
I almost sold the store.
I'm really an idiot sometimes.
Not?
From Juliette?
- I do not know what to say. - Do not say anything.
Well, she has...
I do not know what to say.
That tastes good.
Of course that tastes good.
It is still corrosive.
Of course it is corrosive.
You were not easy to find.
I changed the office.
A VERLOBTER TOO MUCH
Thanks again? Chakran?
- No, Shukran. - Good evening.
I took my life in my hands.
I can make decisions without help in five seconds.
- I take the Zaâlouk. - Zaâlouk?
However, many decisions made in five seconds
pretty shitty.
- Is that possible? - Yes.